Zoos in the Future?


Have you ever taken a moment to think about the future? I recently challenged myself to predicting the future of zoos……

Here is my interpretation of a letter from the “Future Zoo’s”  Director of Public Affairs & Outreach: Gene Simmons 2.5 to the zoo’s marketing spokes person: Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker Edition. (It’s a mix of  Marketing and Sci-Fi)

Dear Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker Edition,

All of us at Zoo 2050 would like to extend a generous thank you for agreeing to work on our behalf.  Without the aide of celebrity clones such as yourself, our ability to educate the population about the many wondrous features and programs at our zoo would be difficult.  Your celebrity image and far-reaching popularity allow us to promote the zoo to a much larger audience.  Thank you!

Since you may be somewhat unfamiliar with Zoo 2050, I’ve taken the liberty to educate you about some of our zoo’s most popular programs and features.  By no means will your lack of expertise in animal sciences impede or hamper your ability to spread knowledge about our wonderful zoo to the greater population.  Here are some key points to memorize:

Reconstructed/Cloned DNA Experience
One of the more popular and educational features at Zoo 2050 is our Reconstructed/Cloned DNA Experience Plaza (DEP).  Housed in a deceptive cinderblock warehouse, reached via gondola or monorail, the DEP is over 2.3 million square feet of clonetabulous fun!  Visitors may choose from over 800,000 life forms for miniaturized reconstruction.  From the tiniest single-cell organism to the majestic, bloated beauty of the Great Blue Whale, all of the planet’s extinct species may be recreated – in front of the visitor’s very eyes! After reconstruction, the life forms are transferred to the Inoculation Rooms, where Zoo 2050 visitors can observe as the animal is injected with over 390 vaccines, antibiotics, and preservatives, making it safe for closer inspection in a life-like quarantined environment.  Many of our guests also choose to take a souvenir of their visit home with them: the life form they’ve just had reconstructed!  That’s right! At Zoo 2050, we don’t just show you the invariably extinct beauty of the animal world; we let you take it home with you!  Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker Edition, we at Zoo 2050 have learned that you have a soft spot for beef.  As a token of our appreciation for you help to promote our zoo, we hope you will enjoy the “steak-sized” reconstructed angus we’ve enclosed with your package.

Virtual Safari
Another popular experience available for purchase at Zoo 2050 is our Virtual Safari.  For just $580, visitors are mentally transported to the former African Savanna, where they come in simulated contact with lions, tigers, elephants, and many other virtual animals.  In fact, Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker Edition, guests may also choose to include creatures from other environments.  Soon, Zoo 2050 will expand the Virtual Safari experience to other environments, including the former Amazon Watershed Rainforest, the Pacific Barrier Island/Reef, and Canada!   We hope that through replicated direct contact, the children of today will come to value the extinct species and ecosystems of our planet’s past.  This education will help them to grow into adults who will work to conserve and protest the tiny fraction of the Earth’s remaining biodiversity.

Youth Outreach & Holographic Interaction

At Zoo 2050, we take great pride in the success of our Youth Education and Outreach Initiative.  As a spokesperson for Zoo 2050, this is the program you will find yourself most involved with.  You will have the responsibility and delight of touring regional schools and leading discussions with youth about ecology, virtual ecology, and animal stewardship.  Surely, one of your favorite experiences will include introducing children to our “Overnight and Extended Holographic” domestic experience.  You’ll have the privilege of assisting the youth in sorting through our expansive catalogue of extinct domestic species, or “pets.”  As you discuss the animals in the catalogue, you will share in the children’s wonder and excitement as you learn that people once kept animals known as “cats” as home subjects; paying for their food and even performing waste maintenance.  However, the highlight of the experience will most likely be when you activate the holographic reproductions for the children to take home with them.  In fact, we invite you to take one or two home with you for your family.  If you choose to do so, you will experience the birth, infancy, maturation, and death of your chosen pet.  Unlike former generations, whom would live with their pets for many years, our pets go through this process in the space of 48 to 168 hours, giving one uninterrupted glimpse as to what it was like keep “pets.”

Again, Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker Edition, Zoo 2050 extends an emphatic thank you for your kindness.  Without your help our enterprise would struggle to find convenient ways to educate society about the many wonders of our zoo.  Surely, your promotional efforts will prove invaluable.  Mr. Dansen Deluxe Non-Becker edition, we invite you to visit our virtual facilities at no expense to you or your family for as long as your current cloned stability holds. Consider yourself a life-time member!  Thank you for your generosity with your time and funds.


Gene Simmons 2.5
Director, Public Affairs & Outreach
Zoo 2050